Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death for ages 12-18 in the United States.
More teenagers and youth die from suicide than from cancer, heart disease, AIDS, birth defects, stroke, pneumonia, influenza and chronic lung disease, COMBINED. Each day in our nation there is an average of over 5,400 suicide attempts by young people grades 7-12.
Why are these rates rising every day? Here is my theory. We are trying to raise the happy generation versus the productive generation that we as forty something year olds were raised up in.
It starts with the newborn baby who needs to learn to soothe themselves. How many mothers rescue their baby as soon as they start to cry by picking them up instantly instead of allowing them a little time to comfort themselves? How many times have you heard parents tell their children to stop crying when their kids have gotten hurt or disappointed? Why do we tell our kids not to cry? Crying is a healthy outpour of emotions. If we don’t cry, we will become a bitter society. So, how can we change this upward trend of rising suicide rates?
It starts with learning at a young age that life isn’t fair and even all the time and that’s okay. I remember bringing in a few cookies for my oldest child when she was in kindergarten in 2003. The teacher wouldn’t let me bring the cookies inside the class room because I didn’t bring enough cookies for the entire class. She told me that the other kids would be disappointed and she couldn’t have that in her classroom. Is disappointment a bad thing? If kids grow up with no disappointment, than they never learn how to cope and deal with it as teenagers. Let’s face it; we can’t shelter our kids from ever experiencing any disappointment in their lives.
I remember in 2007, my son played pee wee baseball; he was just 7 years old. There were no losers in the game. Everybody won. The kids played enthusiastically hard for 2 hours, trying their best to hit the ball and score runs with no satisfaction of winning, or disappointment of losing the game. I asked the coach why they didn’t keep score. He told me that at this young age, they didn’t want to hurt anybody’s feelings or have any disappointments. Is disappointment such a bad thing to learn at a young age? By sheltering kids of any disappointment in their youth, we are creating a false sense of happiness, where teenagers are taught that life is even and fair. When they hit the hormonal teenage years and see the not so perfect world in front of them, they simply can’t handle it. They are not prepared for defeat, failures, discouragement and all the many obstacles that they will be faced with.
The problem lies within the stigma that parents are responsible for their children’s happiness. When our kids are not happy, we seem to take it personally and will do whatever it takes to try to make them happy. We’ve created the “All about me” generation. Kids today are obsessively in tune with their happiness, so much so that it’s all they think about. Nobody but us is responsible for our own happiness. What makes us happy? Happiness is made up of pleasure, engagement and meaning. It involves both daily positive emotions and a global sense that life is worthwhile. When we create something, or reach a specific goal, it gives us a sense of purpose and a sense of accomplishment. That is what gives us happiness. Production leads to happiness. When we are busy 24/7 we don’t have time to sit and dwell if we are happy or not. However when we sit around and do nothing with our valuable time, that’s’ when contemplation comes into play. That’s when feelings of guilt, feelings of worthlessness, and feelings of insecurity seep into our minds and create a depressive state of unhappiness.
Growing up in the productive generation, my parents didn’t ask me if I was happy every day. Instead, they asked me what I did today. What did I accomplish, and was I productive? Can it be this simple? Can we change the trend of teenage suicide by simply asking our children what they did today instead of are you happy today?
Yes it can! All we have to do is make some simple changes with our approach to raising children. We need to teach them to be able to soothe themselves as an infant which will give them security. We also need to teach them that sometimes we lose even though we tried really hard to win. This will help them cope with the obstacles and disappointments that come their way. Learning that life isn’t even and fair every day will help them get through those rough days knowing that better days will come soon. As a stock trader, I expect to lose on some trades every day, and I teach my students to expect it as well. One of the most important lessons in life you can learn, whether you’re trading or raising kids is that losing is a part of life. Whether we lose a friend, a relative or a game, it is a natural occurrence. In the stock market, if we can keep our losses small, with appropriate expectations, we will win in the end. As a parent we can teach our kids that it’s okay to lose today, let’s work hard, try our best and try to win tomorrow. Happy Trading, The Stock Whisperer
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